Week Two- Skills

This week we are primarily focusing around journalistic writing and skills.

The skills we covered this week are opening 25 words, word choice, passive and active sentences and the use of information.

Opening 25 words

The opening 25 words of an article or other piece of writing are important because they either draw in a reader or push them away. If the opening 25 words of a piece of writing are dull and un-interesting it is unlikely the reader will read the rest of the piece.

I learnt this skill through a task in which we looked at a selection of bad headlines and then had to write the opening twenty-five words for one of our choice.

Some of the headlines were:

Thief gets 6 months in violin case

Police help dog bite victim

Painting found by tree

The headline I chose to use was ‘Thief gets 6 months in violin case’. I think the headline is seen to be ‘bad’ because it is unclear. The structure of the headline is merged together and is not worded very well.

My opening twenty-five words for this headline were;

“On Wednesday 6th June, Robert Cage was finally found and arrested by police. Police had been searching for the violin thief for a few days.”

I think my opening twenty five words could do with being more interesting; I think I need to work on my choice of wording in order to intrigue readers and keep their attention.

I looked at a professional opening twenty five words from an article by  Sarah Maslin NIR from The New York Times. The article was about a sexually transmitted disease in horses and how some horses are being forced into helping test and prevent the disease.

The opening twenty-five words were;

There are six female horses that live in Ithaca, N.Y., and their job is to have sex over and over again. The mares — Millie, Lynx..

I prefer these opening twenty-five words to my own because I think they get more to the point than mine which means that they are more interesting to the reader. The use of the words are simple yet effective and the short structure of the sentences are punchy which intrigues the reader and causes them to want to read on.

Reference for professional source;

NIR Maslin, S.(2016) In Fight for Horse Health, the Battleground Can Be a Mare’s Body. Available at:http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/13/nyregion/in-fight-for-horse-health-the-battleground-can-be-a-mares-body.html?rref=collection%2Ftimestopic%2FCruelty%20to%20Animals&action=click&contentCollection=timestopics&region=stream&module=stream_unit&version=latest&contentPlacement=7&pgtype=collection&_r=0 (Accessed: 28 September 2016)

Word Choice

Word choice is the way in which you choose words in order to approach a piece of writing in a specific way or in order to be effective.

I learnt the skill of word choice on two occasions during the week; the first was a lesson with Greg in which we were asked to turn a song into an article and the second was in another lesson with Greg where we were giving a sentence and had to change one word in order to make it more punchy and effective.

The song I used to turn into an article was by Anne-Marie and was called Alarm.

The lyrics;

You lay here with me, you’re shutting down
I smell her on ya, I’m focused now
I know what’s going on in your head, yeah
I know what’s happened here in our bed, yeah
Your phone is buzzing, so pick it up
I know she calling, so what the fuck
I should’ve known a cheat stays a cheater
So here we are

And there goes the alarm ringing in my head
Like somebody said, “Don’t you trust him, no”
Texting from his ex, what did you expect?
Now you’re lying here knowing where he goes
Now he gotta getcha
Karma is a bitch, yeah
Same way that they come that’s the way they go
Now he gotta getcha
Rewinding the picture
There goes the alarm and the siren’s go

There goes the alarm
I saw it coming, I let it go
My girls will tell me, “I told you so”
But I was so intrigued by your style, boy
Always been a sucker for a wild boy
I’m better than this, I know my worth
I might be getting what I deserve
But I ain’t sticking ’round for the rerun
What’s done is done

And there goes the alarm ringing in my head
Like somebody said, “Don’t you trust him, no”
Texting from his ex, what did you expect?
Now you’re lying here knowing where he goes
Now he gotta getcha
Karma is a bitch, yeah
Same way that they come that’s the way they go
Now he gotta getcha
Rewinding the picture
There goes the alarm and the siren’s go

There goes the alarm
Now he gotta getcha
Same way that they go
Now he gotta getcha
There goes the alarm, yeah
Same way that they go
Now he gotta getcha, yeah

Bang bang, two-shots fired
Man down, one fool, one liar
Ring ring, trust gone missing
House on fire, house on fire
Bang bang, two-shots fired
Man down, one fool, one liar
Ring ring, trust gone missing
House on fire

And there goes the alarm ringing in my head
Like somebody said, “Don’t you trust him, no”
Texting from his ex, what did you expect?
Now you’re lying here knowing where he goes
Now he gotta getcha
Karma is a bitch, yeah
Same way that they come that’s the way they go
Now he gotta getcha
Rewinding the picture
There goes the alarm and the siren’s go

There goes the alarm
Now he gotta getcha
There goes the alarm
There goes the alarm
Now he gotta getcha
There goes the alarm
There goes the alarm

I used the lyrics of the song in order to create an article in which a woman shots her ex and sets his house alight. I used the skill of word choice by selecting specific words or lines throughout the song in order to develop the article.

Reference for the song lyrics;

(2016) Alarm. Asylum Records(1971) and Atlantic Records(1947) Available at:http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/annemarie/alarm.html  (Accessed: 28 September 2016)

 

This is the piece I wrote;

On May 26th 2016, a well respected London fashion designer, Anne-Marie, set alight to her cheating boyfriends home and also shot him down. The gunshots conflicted major injuries on Alex Weller, puncturing one of his lungs and also giving him various bullet wounds causing him to bleed out and lose a large volume of blood.  Weller is now being held in Intensive care at a local hospital following sustaining his injuries. Doctors claim he is “lucky to be alive”.

The designer, spoke to Closer about her suspicions of her newly ex-boyfriend and her criminal charges. Anne-Marie said “I heard his phone going in the other room so I went to answer it like I normally would but then I saw his exes name on the screen, all my friends had warned me that he would cheat like he normally did on his girlfriends but I chose not to believe them, I’ve always been a sucker for a wild boy! When I saw her name on the caller id I knew he was cheating immediately, it was like an alarm ringing in my head!”. Anne-Marie’s anger and frustration towards Alex is noticeably apparent when speaking to her. Anne shows no remorse for the criminal offences she has committed and when asked about them she simply replied by saying “He deserves it!”.

Closer also spoke to her arresting officer, DCI Lee. He spoke of Anne-Marie’s arrest, saying “All I can say of the matter is that she will be extremely lucky if she walks away from these charges with no jail time. Anne’s been convicted of three crimes and in my opinion  one year jail time will be the best possible outcome for her!”.

I think that I could have improved this article by linking it more specifically to the song lyrics, I did interpreted several lines into the article but I think in order to complete the task more thoroughly I would subtlety link more of the article with the song. In the future, I would use a better choice of words in my article and also better sentence structure in order to make my article flow better.

The second way I learnt this skill was in a shorter more simple task with Greg. The task consisted of Greg giving me a sentence and then I would substitute words in order to make the sentence more effective.

The sentence I was given was;

She walks slowly across the room.

The word I substituted was Walked. I also rearranged the sentence structure in order to make the sentence more effective.

The sentence I came up with was;

Slowly, she trapced across the room.

I am happy with the sentence I came up with however in order to improve it in the future I would include more descriptive words in order to create a more detailed image of the woman trapcing across the room. I would include words that paint a through and descriptive picture in the readers mind.

Passive and Active

Passive and active sentences are different ways of structuring sentences. Passive sentences are usually longer and take more time to get to the point whereas active sentences are usually shorter and cut straight to the point.

I learnt the skill of passive and active by looking at a selection of passive and active sentences and then writing my own examples.

One of the examples I was given was;

Sue changed the flat tire. (Active)

The flat tire was changed by Sue. (Passive)

The example of passive and active that I wrote was;

Alice gave the horse a carrot. (Active)

The horse was given a carrot by Alice. (Passive)

I realise that in order to write better journalistic pieces predominantly I need to write using more active sentences because they need to write in a way that does not drag on and gets more to the point in a way that a journalist needs to write. In the future I will use more active sentences in my writing.

Use of Information

The use of information is a skill that is used regularly throughout Journalism. The use of information is the way in which a journalist approaches the information they have in order to write an article or other piece of writing.

I learnt the skill of using information by researching a chosen topic and writing an article based on the research I conducted. We also learnt this skill by using the 5 W’s. I incorporated the five W’s into my article. The five W’s are Who, What, When, Where, Why.

For my research I looked into Milan Fashion Week 2016. For my research I used the Telegraph.

Horton, H.(2016) Gigi Hadid elbows man who grabbed her from behind outside Milan fashion show. Available at: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/gigi-hadid-fights-off-man-who-grabs-and-picks-her-up-outside-fas/ (Accessed: 29 September 2016)

The article I wrote is displayed below;

Gigi Hadid was targeted by an unknown man at Milan Fashion Week. The attack involved a strange man approaching Gigi Hadid and Bella Hadid as the sisters were leaving the Max Mara fashion show and walking to their car. Whilst walking, the unidentified man grabbed Gigi from behind. Frightened, Gigi Hadid lashed out at the man using her elbow as defence.

The unknown man then let Hadid free and ran from the scene. Angry and shaken Gigi Hadid then attempted to chase her attacker however Gigi is escorted away by security and pushed into the car by her sister Bella.

Following the attack Gigi tweeted “I’m a HUMAN BEING and had EVERY RIGHT to defend myself. How dare that idiot thinks he has the right to man-handle a complete stranger. He ran quick tho”. The tweet acted as an explanation in order to defend her actions in fighting the man off.

Later, less shaken the model posted a photo of herself and her sister at the Fendi show. The Instagram post read – “Had to hold back tears of pride & joy watching my beautiful lil sis open the @fendi show today!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for having me @karllagerfeld@amandaharlech @pg_dmcasting “

Gigi Hadid, girlfriend of former One Direction member Zayn Malik, was clearly shaken following the attack. Below Gigi is pictured with sister Bella at the time in which she was grabbed.

The Telegraph. (2016) Gigi Hadid elbows man who grabbed her from behind outside Milan fashion show. Available at: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/gigi-hadid-fights-off-man-who-grabs-and-picks-her-up-outside-fas/ (Accessed: 29 September 2016)

I compared my article to an article on the same topic by Charlotte Wareing from The Mirror. When evaluating my article I think I need to complete more research in order to make my information appear more solidly, similar to the way in which Wareing does in her article such as when she refers to small details about the sisters such as the detail about the clothes they were wearing.. I also I think in order to improve my article I need to widen my vocabulary and clearly think about word choice and sentence structure. If I had been given a longer period of time to complete my research and write my article I would have conducted some primary research and interviewed people about their opinion on Gigi’s attack and the way in which she defended herself in order to approach the article at a different angle than most big publications have done.

The professional piece;

Frantic Gigi Hadid lashes out with her elbow after being picked up by overzealous fan in Milan.

The supermodel looked livid after a fan grabbed her around the waist as she exited a fashion show

A frantic Gigi Hadid lashed out after she was grabbed around the waist by an overzealous fan in Milan.

The supermodel was leaving a fashion show for Max Mara when an excited stranger attempted to hoist her into the air.

Gigi waved her elbows as she desperately tried to break free from the prankster’s grasp, almost losing her sunglasses in the process.

Her younger sister Bella reportedly shouted: “Let go of her!”

After she was placed back on the ground the 21-year-old then appeared furious as she stormed off, followed by security.

Blonde Gigi, who is in a relationship with former One Direction singer Zayn Malik, was dressed in a pair of leather-look trousers, a black T-shirt and a pin-striped corset.

Her sister Bella, 19, wore a blue crop top with matching trousers and blazer jacket.

Gigi has been jetting all over the world in recent weeks attending fashion shows in New York and London.

Over the weekend she joined boyfriend Zayn at the Versus show as part of London Fashion Week, where they exchanged loving glances.

She later teamed up with fellow models Stella Maxwell, Hailey Baldwin, Jourdan Dunn and Winnie Harlow to hit the town together.

Wareing, C.(2016) Frantic Gigi Hadid lashes out with her elbow after being picked up by overzealous fan in Milan. Available at:http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/frantic-gigi-hadid-lashes-out-8891437 (Accessed: 29 September 2016)

 

Refrences;

Opening 25 words Horse health article- NIR Maslin, S.(2016) In Fight for Horse Health, the Battleground Can Be a Mare’s Body. Available at:http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/13/nyregion/in-fight-for-horse-health-the-battleground-can-be-a-mares-body.html?rref=collection%2Ftimestopic%2FCruelty%20to%20Animals&action=click&contentCollection=timestopics&region=stream&module=stream_unit&version=latest&contentPlacement=7&pgtype=collection&_r=0 (Accessed: 28 September 2016)

Word choice, song lyrics- (2016) Alarm. Asylum Records(1971) and Atlantic Records(1947) Available at:http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/annemarie/alarm.html  (Accessed: 28 September 2016)

Use of information research source- Horton, H.(2016) Gigi Hadid elbows man who grabbed her from behind outside Milan fashion show. Available at: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/gigi-hadid-fights-off-man-who-grabs-and-picks-her-up-outside-fas/ (Accessed: 29 September 2016)

Use of information photo- The Telegraph. (2016) Gigi Hadid elbows man who grabbed her from behind outside Milan fashion show. Available at: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/gigi-hadid-fights-off-man-who-grabs-and-picks-her-up-outside-fas/ (Accessed: 29 September 2016)

Use of information professional article-Wareing, C.(2016) Frantic Gigi Hadid lashes out with her elbow after being picked up by overzealous fan in Milan. Available at:http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/frantic-gigi-hadid-lashes-out-8891437 (Accessed: 29 September 2016)